There are days when I feel specially stupid.. This week, I was trapped in many of those days, specially on Monday and Wednesday at Writing 3 classes.
On Monday, Thiago made a pause on the writing process to discuss some grammar issues, as proposed on the syllabus. The subject was Sentence Parts, in the composition skills topic. What is a clause, a phrase, a sentence and the errors a writer can incur into like leaving a sentence fragment without a complement on the text, run-on sentences and comma splices. I never have heard about those in any class, but I come across many of them often in text editing though.
While writing can be a bit instinctive sometimes, knowing those kind of sentences by name, identifying and correcting them by the established norms gives me a sense of accomplishment. I feel like I'm finally getting to know more about English in different ways. Under the danger of sounding foolish, I must say that I even feel happy (and still stupid) in classes like this. "OK, see?, you can check out something that you didn't know from your imaginary list", is my main thought.
I'm really slow to new subjects, though. It is not a depreciating, I swear, and not a charming self depreciation, like those we are used to while talking about our skills or lack of (specially if you are British :). In fact, I take some time (a long time in some circumstances) to actually understand in the bottom of my soul and mind some new subject or task. That happened with big things like the shorthand classes I took when I was 18 or academic research (in the last one, I was 35, so it is not an age thing). It is the same way to minor subjects, like a lesson in a writing class.
This way, you can only imagine how the quiz on Wednesday went. First, I dread tests, because I know my lack of objectivity, clear thinking and patience. All my writing exams has been a bit disappointing. I should be used to it by now and just accept my altogether failure on the matter. It is not I flunk every test, but after I'd give it back to the examiner, I usually fall in a turmoil about what I could have done differently. You could call it crazy, and you'd not be wrong... But, still. Tests. They're not easy, and it doesn't matter if it is a dissertation to get in a masters program or a quick quiz in the writing class.
There's one last factor for my sense of failure: I'm not able to stay long with the text, giving to it the attention that it deserves. I don't know why, but all coherent thoughts escape me during a test; also, I'm not able to reread it after finishing it (Rachel, the teacher on Writing 1, told me that many times after correcting tests). So, just after a teacher take it on their capable hands, I'm already regretting not giving it more time.
That's the story I wanted to tell today. A little bit of unnecessary anguish, a self reflection of my impatience, the the inability of editing my own texts (and I'm a text editor, I love to correct other people writings), the terror of having a test on my hands...
A good and fit story for Friday, 13th!
Thank you for still being here, following this dramatic student saga through writing, reading and failing tests.
Stay tuned!
PS: And it's a Full Moon!
PPS: The images about Monday's class subject are from the following book: SMALLY, R. L; RUETTEN, M. K.; KOZYREV, J. R. Refining Composition Skills. 6. ed. Boston: Heinle & Heinle, 2012.
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